I find my reactions both interesting and a little frightening watching many of the friends my age retire. I am planning my own retirement within the next 3 years but somehow seeing pictures and Facebook posts of them actually retiring has brought on some unexpected feelings. I find myself experiencing feelings of jealousy, regret, happiness for them, and thoughts of what I will do when I retire.
My best friend Karen retired a couple of years ago and I was a little sad because I always felt comfort knowing where she was daily. I guess I felt I would lose touch with her but I haven’t. Then my best friend at work retired. That was tough and I was very emotional. I couldn’t even talk to her at her party because I didn’t want to cry in front of the crowd.
I actually hate crying in front of others but of course no one likes to, right? I have pondered this and the biggest reason is that i hate being so emotional. I also look awful while and after crying. I have in the past been known to become a blubbering idiot at surprise going away parties for me and I find it very embarrassing. I long to simply hug people at their going away functions and look them in the eye and say, “it has been a joy working with you. I wish you the best”. But, no, I crater.
Maybe it’s because I am too emotional. I have always thought that when I am happy, I feel happier than others and when I am sad, I feel sadness more than most. I wish I was comfortable with all that but I’m not.
One thing is for sure. When I retire I do not want a going away party! I just want to walk away and have dinner with my family.
I’ll see what retirement has for me. I’ll start thinking about it more. I know this. Even after retirement I’ll keep helping people and trying to make the world a better place.
Answering the Call 